Ways to Discourage Divorce
Divorce has no respect for the family. It delights in frustrating married couples, distressing children, disconnecting family link, depressing relatives, disturbing friends, pressuring the court system, and placing pain on many social networks.
Over the years, I have come face to face with couples that expressed sincere regret about going the route of divorce. Some confessed that had they listened to their spouses, they would not have divorced. Several divorced individuals said that if they had to live their lives over again, they would have worked through some issues before pursuing the route of dissolving their marriage. Here are a few reasons for divorce of which I am aware:
Making Unwise Choices
Making choices is a normal part of life, and selecting a life partner is no exception. However, avoiding some obvious “red light” signals should not be ignored when making a lifelong marriage commitment. To a large extent, not making the right informed decisions before marriage is at the heart of the matter.
People marry for different reasons, which may include: wanting to escape an unpleasant home environment; Wanting a child before reaching a certain age; pregnancy; the physical appearance or financial status of a partner, and pressure from family, friends, and religious people.
I know about men and women who said they saw some negative conducts in their prospective spouses, but did not speak about those behaviors because of fear of losing their likely married partners. Knowing as much as you can about your partner-to-be should be a priority matter. This action leads me to the second reason for divorce - the lack of proper preparation (premarital counseling).
Inadequate Preparation for Marriage
Premarital counseling is not designed to marry people, but to see if they are qualified for this lifelong journey. By premarital counseling, I am not talking about one or two sit-down sessions with a marriage officer, but I am referring to several weeks of insightful sessions that include homework. These sessions should cover subjects like the origin of marriage and its purpose, understanding different types of love, maturity issues, socialization, finance, sexual intimacy, conflict resolution, parenting, the role of the man and woman, goal setting, and much more.
Recently, I met a husband who had many premarital counseling sessions. With a smile, he said he tells many people that those sessions were the best investment he has ever made in his life. Another couple publicly stated that the tools they received during their premarital counseling sessions helped them to ride through some stormy times in their marriage. The mistake that many people make is to mix up preparing for a wedding day with planning for marriage. After assessing some couples, I recommended they should not get married because if they did, the chances of their marriages standing up against the challenges of life were very slim.
Not Nurturing Your Marriage
Some couples think that after premarital counseling and the wedding day, the growth of the marriage union will flourish on autopilot. Common sense would suggest that if you do not apply the necessary nutrients to a plant, it would gradually die. Marriage is like a plant. Attend to it and it will develop. Neglect it, and it will eventually die. Here are some ways to nurture your marriage: Create a fantastic friendship and spend quality time with your spouse. Pleasantly surprise and affirm each other often. Listen to and support each other. Relax with and pray for each other. It may surprise you how these and other wholesome nutrients, when applied to the marriage “tree” can keep it green and glorious. Many people get an annual physical checkup. Why not consider planning for a marriage check-up from time to time with your counsellor to find out how your “vitals” are performing.
Since marriage originated with the All-knowing God of the Holy Bible, the principles formulated to govern its effectiveness are sound and safe. I highly recommend His wisdom, and if followed, will keep your marriage intact. Keep divorce away; it is a liability.
Over the years, I have come face to face with couples that expressed sincere regret about going the route of divorce. Some confessed that had they listened to their spouses, they would not have divorced. Several divorced individuals said that if they had to live their lives over again, they would have worked through some issues before pursuing the route of dissolving their marriage. Here are a few reasons for divorce of which I am aware:
Making Unwise Choices
Making choices is a normal part of life, and selecting a life partner is no exception. However, avoiding some obvious “red light” signals should not be ignored when making a lifelong marriage commitment. To a large extent, not making the right informed decisions before marriage is at the heart of the matter.
People marry for different reasons, which may include: wanting to escape an unpleasant home environment; Wanting a child before reaching a certain age; pregnancy; the physical appearance or financial status of a partner, and pressure from family, friends, and religious people.
I know about men and women who said they saw some negative conducts in their prospective spouses, but did not speak about those behaviors because of fear of losing their likely married partners. Knowing as much as you can about your partner-to-be should be a priority matter. This action leads me to the second reason for divorce - the lack of proper preparation (premarital counseling).
Inadequate Preparation for Marriage
Premarital counseling is not designed to marry people, but to see if they are qualified for this lifelong journey. By premarital counseling, I am not talking about one or two sit-down sessions with a marriage officer, but I am referring to several weeks of insightful sessions that include homework. These sessions should cover subjects like the origin of marriage and its purpose, understanding different types of love, maturity issues, socialization, finance, sexual intimacy, conflict resolution, parenting, the role of the man and woman, goal setting, and much more.
Recently, I met a husband who had many premarital counseling sessions. With a smile, he said he tells many people that those sessions were the best investment he has ever made in his life. Another couple publicly stated that the tools they received during their premarital counseling sessions helped them to ride through some stormy times in their marriage. The mistake that many people make is to mix up preparing for a wedding day with planning for marriage. After assessing some couples, I recommended they should not get married because if they did, the chances of their marriages standing up against the challenges of life were very slim.
Not Nurturing Your Marriage
Some couples think that after premarital counseling and the wedding day, the growth of the marriage union will flourish on autopilot. Common sense would suggest that if you do not apply the necessary nutrients to a plant, it would gradually die. Marriage is like a plant. Attend to it and it will develop. Neglect it, and it will eventually die. Here are some ways to nurture your marriage: Create a fantastic friendship and spend quality time with your spouse. Pleasantly surprise and affirm each other often. Listen to and support each other. Relax with and pray for each other. It may surprise you how these and other wholesome nutrients, when applied to the marriage “tree” can keep it green and glorious. Many people get an annual physical checkup. Why not consider planning for a marriage check-up from time to time with your counsellor to find out how your “vitals” are performing.
Since marriage originated with the All-knowing God of the Holy Bible, the principles formulated to govern its effectiveness are sound and safe. I highly recommend His wisdom, and if followed, will keep your marriage intact. Keep divorce away; it is a liability.