Midlife for the man could either be a distressing or a delightful experience. Some men picture this natural phase through an optimistic window, while others gaze at it with spectacles clouded with fear and dread. Researchers say that midlife begins as early as age 35 and stretches as far as age 60. However, most men may find the period 40 to 45 is the time when certain realities consistent with this unique chapter in their lives, hit home.
People mistakenly label this normal midlife time for all men as a crisis. The period should be better is a transition. These transitions that occur in the man’s life should be viewed by him as opportunities for growth and development and not a time for pressing the panic button.
Daniel Levinson, a leading researcher in men’s midlife transition said that the most frequently asked questions during this time are:
“What have I done with my life? What do I really get from and give to my wife, children, friends, work, community and self? What is it I truly want for myself and others? What are my central values and how are they reflected in my life? What are my greatest talents and how am I using (or wasting) them? What have I done with my early dream and what do I want with it now? Can I live in a way that combines my current desires, values, and talents? How satisfactory is my present life structure–how suitable for the self, how viable in the world–and how shall I change it to provide a better basis for the future?”
During midlife, such questions may force the man to face the certainties of his past performances and examine the possibilities of what his future may offer. When some men look back at their past life performances and realize they may not have accomplished what they should have achieved, they sometimes become distressed. Unfortunately, if this happens, they may flop into crisis mode and could display feelings of disappointment, despair, frustration, failure, helplessness, and hopelessness. They may even become unproductive, leave their jobs, neglect their families, get furious, turn to alcohol and drugs, blame others for their failures, and may become suicidal.
Several years ago, I met a talented professional man who had the potential to be very rich but refused to improve himself. His spouse threatened to leave him because she had to carry the financial burden of the family. His social, mental, and emotional wellbeing suffered serious blows. Rather than taking full responsibility for his missteps, he began to adopt defense mechanisms and used them to blame things and people for his failings and frustrations.
I know of other men who also wasted precious time leading up to midlife but I have seen these men pick themselves up and chart a course of action for themselves and their families. Some wives who did not understand their husbands’ renewed drive and new-found outlook on life, in error, falsely accused them of connecting intimately with other females.
A wife once told me that something was wrong with her husband because suddenly at midlife, he wanted to go back to school. She became very suspicious and furious and kept on accusing him of impure motives. The husband was furious. When he spoke to me he blamed himself for missing out on opportunities as he grew up, but now in his mid-forties, he wanted to do more for himself and his family. Through counselling, I was able to helped the man’s spouse to experience peace of mind. I highly commended that man for his initiative that later transformed his life into something very positive and productive.
God never designed men as loser. He made men with the potential to do great things. The onus, therefore, is for every man to develop the innate capabilities he possesses and put them to good use from an early age. Considering the frustrations that can result at midlife, wisdom should dictate that every effort should be made by every man to enjoy his golden years.
People mistakenly label this normal midlife time for all men as a crisis. The period should be better is a transition. These transitions that occur in the man’s life should be viewed by him as opportunities for growth and development and not a time for pressing the panic button.
Daniel Levinson, a leading researcher in men’s midlife transition said that the most frequently asked questions during this time are:
“What have I done with my life? What do I really get from and give to my wife, children, friends, work, community and self? What is it I truly want for myself and others? What are my central values and how are they reflected in my life? What are my greatest talents and how am I using (or wasting) them? What have I done with my early dream and what do I want with it now? Can I live in a way that combines my current desires, values, and talents? How satisfactory is my present life structure–how suitable for the self, how viable in the world–and how shall I change it to provide a better basis for the future?”
During midlife, such questions may force the man to face the certainties of his past performances and examine the possibilities of what his future may offer. When some men look back at their past life performances and realize they may not have accomplished what they should have achieved, they sometimes become distressed. Unfortunately, if this happens, they may flop into crisis mode and could display feelings of disappointment, despair, frustration, failure, helplessness, and hopelessness. They may even become unproductive, leave their jobs, neglect their families, get furious, turn to alcohol and drugs, blame others for their failures, and may become suicidal.
Several years ago, I met a talented professional man who had the potential to be very rich but refused to improve himself. His spouse threatened to leave him because she had to carry the financial burden of the family. His social, mental, and emotional wellbeing suffered serious blows. Rather than taking full responsibility for his missteps, he began to adopt defense mechanisms and used them to blame things and people for his failings and frustrations.
I know of other men who also wasted precious time leading up to midlife but I have seen these men pick themselves up and chart a course of action for themselves and their families. Some wives who did not understand their husbands’ renewed drive and new-found outlook on life, in error, falsely accused them of connecting intimately with other females.
A wife once told me that something was wrong with her husband because suddenly at midlife, he wanted to go back to school. She became very suspicious and furious and kept on accusing him of impure motives. The husband was furious. When he spoke to me he blamed himself for missing out on opportunities as he grew up, but now in his mid-forties, he wanted to do more for himself and his family. Through counselling, I was able to helped the man’s spouse to experience peace of mind. I highly commended that man for his initiative that later transformed his life into something very positive and productive.
God never designed men as loser. He made men with the potential to do great things. The onus, therefore, is for every man to develop the innate capabilities he possesses and put them to good use from an early age. Considering the frustrations that can result at midlife, wisdom should dictate that every effort should be made by every man to enjoy his golden years.