Foster Friendship before Marriage
Friendship can be fascinating or frustrating. Fascinating, because it can be like marvelous music to the soul. Frustrating, because it can feel like deadly darts to the heart. A fabulous friendship is founded on a foundation of mutual trust and always seeks the highest good of the other individual. On the other hand, an unsatisfying friendship is often based on false premises and promises and devoid of durable commitment. A marriage that has strong roots of friendship can grow to produce pleasant fruits of happiness, harmony and honesty. The opposite is also true.
Rushing into marriage too soon after meeting an individual can be risky. I often discourage romance and fantasy-driven couples from making the commitment to marriage too soon after meeting each other. Alternatively, I encourage the stimulation of a healthy and wholesome friendship, where over time the couple seek to explore each other’s backgrounds, discuss future dreams and aspirations, and benefit from premarital counselling. If prior to your wedding day you are not willing or able to interact confidently with your prospective spouse, the experience of marriage alone will not correct that problem.
Dr. Howard Markman, leading marriage researcher and Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, said: “It turns out that the amount of fun couples have and the strength of their friendships are a strong predictor of their future.” Wisdom, therefore, would suggest that investing in a chaste, caring and continuous friendship would be worth the effort if you want your marriage to keep moving toward fresh frontiers.
I continue to meet both men and women whose past hurts, lack of trust, and overprotective parents make it very difficult for them to foster wholesome friendships. I remember meeting a very intelligent young woman whose past abuses generated much fear within her. She kept to herself and did not want to associate with people. With much counsel and coaching she began to wisely mix with individuals and now she is a great public speaker and enjoys a productive marriage. I also know of a young man who was terrified of being among people. He felt very insecure and thought that he would be rejected by others, so he kept to himself and often resorted to his room where he made friends with his electronic gadgets. He was encouraged to change his solitary lifestyle and with good guidance and a positive attitude, he is now able to win friends and influence people. Your past negative encounters need not become a prison from where you look out at the world and envy the many people travelling along the happy highway of fabulous friendships
God is a social being who delights in embracing and encouraging friendships. Consider the following biblical examples that show the high premium God places on building friendships. In Genesis 3:8-9 the narrative suggests that God had formed an intimate friendship with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and interacted with them on a regular basis. Isaiah the prophet records that God spoke of Abraham as His friend (Isaiah 41:8). In 1Samuel 13:14 God’s expression of friendship toward King David was bound up in the words “a man after His own heart”. Even Jesus while here on earth spoke of his pleasure of having each of us as his friend. (St. John 15:14).
God has given you that capacity to reach out to others and develop favorable friendships that will help add much spice to your marriage, especially within the area of communication. Taking deliberate steps to become friendly is the key to building lasting friendships. It was Barbara Bush who made this profound statement: “Family and friends and faith are the most important things in your life and you should be building friendships.”
Pursuing appropriate friendships therefore helps your self-confidence to grow, which in-turn can have a positive impact on your marriage, children, world of work and other important social linkages.
Rushing into marriage too soon after meeting an individual can be risky. I often discourage romance and fantasy-driven couples from making the commitment to marriage too soon after meeting each other. Alternatively, I encourage the stimulation of a healthy and wholesome friendship, where over time the couple seek to explore each other’s backgrounds, discuss future dreams and aspirations, and benefit from premarital counselling. If prior to your wedding day you are not willing or able to interact confidently with your prospective spouse, the experience of marriage alone will not correct that problem.
Dr. Howard Markman, leading marriage researcher and Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, said: “It turns out that the amount of fun couples have and the strength of their friendships are a strong predictor of their future.” Wisdom, therefore, would suggest that investing in a chaste, caring and continuous friendship would be worth the effort if you want your marriage to keep moving toward fresh frontiers.
I continue to meet both men and women whose past hurts, lack of trust, and overprotective parents make it very difficult for them to foster wholesome friendships. I remember meeting a very intelligent young woman whose past abuses generated much fear within her. She kept to herself and did not want to associate with people. With much counsel and coaching she began to wisely mix with individuals and now she is a great public speaker and enjoys a productive marriage. I also know of a young man who was terrified of being among people. He felt very insecure and thought that he would be rejected by others, so he kept to himself and often resorted to his room where he made friends with his electronic gadgets. He was encouraged to change his solitary lifestyle and with good guidance and a positive attitude, he is now able to win friends and influence people. Your past negative encounters need not become a prison from where you look out at the world and envy the many people travelling along the happy highway of fabulous friendships
God is a social being who delights in embracing and encouraging friendships. Consider the following biblical examples that show the high premium God places on building friendships. In Genesis 3:8-9 the narrative suggests that God had formed an intimate friendship with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and interacted with them on a regular basis. Isaiah the prophet records that God spoke of Abraham as His friend (Isaiah 41:8). In 1Samuel 13:14 God’s expression of friendship toward King David was bound up in the words “a man after His own heart”. Even Jesus while here on earth spoke of his pleasure of having each of us as his friend. (St. John 15:14).
God has given you that capacity to reach out to others and develop favorable friendships that will help add much spice to your marriage, especially within the area of communication. Taking deliberate steps to become friendly is the key to building lasting friendships. It was Barbara Bush who made this profound statement: “Family and friends and faith are the most important things in your life and you should be building friendships.”
Pursuing appropriate friendships therefore helps your self-confidence to grow, which in-turn can have a positive impact on your marriage, children, world of work and other important social linkages.