Fathers - Your Sons Need You
“I felt like a trophy to be displayed by my father - nothing else. Though he never supported me financially, whenever I did well at primary school he would take me to the rum shop where his friends were and showed me off to his friends by telling them that I was his son and how I came first in class. I resented him for using me in that manner. Apart from that humiliation, I suffered nothing but disappointment after disappointment at his hand. Feelings of rejection arrested me very early in life and like a vice grip, firmly held me prisoner way into my adult life.”
This is the story of Martin (not his real name) who gave me permission to share the frustrations of his childhood with the goal of helping fathers to understand how vitally important it is to create a wholesome home environment for their sons.
“Before I got into my teens I began to seriously rebel against all authority figures. Stealing and gambling became a regular habit of mine. So strong were my feelings of rejection that my school work was seriously and rather than coming first in class, I was trailing way behinds my peers. Smoking marijuana, a habit I developed from my father and some other close family members, brought me a measure of relief from my inner emotional pain. My life began to go downhill gradually and I started to ‘hang-out’ with the males on the ‘block’ where my search for companionship was strong. My quest for satisfaction caused me to medicate myself by becoming sexually promiscuous, using alcohol and frequently partying. Such activities only frustrated me because they never resulted in real happiness. I was eventually expelled from school, an action that threw me into a deeper identity crisis.”
Martin recounted an incident that infuriated him. It was when he learnt that his father had hit his mother. “I was mad and was going to kill him. I took up my ‘hardware’; put it in my waist and went looking for him to put him down. Luckily for me one of my relatives found me and averted what would have been headline news.”
Martin soon paused and with a radiant smile which sent a powerful signal to me that something miraculous had taken place in his life, he broke the news that he had made a decision to turn his life around by handing over his frustrated, confused, and miserable life to God. He said the peace of God saturated his entire being and God did an excellent job of cleaning him up from his messed-up past. With professional counselling he was able to work through a lot of his childhood issues including forgiving his father. Martin has now devoted his life to working with young people across the world in pointing them in a very positive direction.
Fathers, make sure you discipline yourselves hence making it highly probable to guide your children away from the dangerous reefs of life to a safe harbor of security. Embrace the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt who said “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future”. Profound.
Jane Clayson Johnson joined Franklyn Roosevelt in saying to fathers: “If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding...and snatch an opportunity to shape character.”
To you young men, never see abuse as a major-stop on your life’s journey. Your parents may not have contributed in many constructive ways to your early childhood development but you have within you the power to make a choice to either go in a positive or negative direction. Martin chose to pursue a productive path and continues to reap the precious benefits today. You can do the same, so always view the future with optimism.
This is the story of Martin (not his real name) who gave me permission to share the frustrations of his childhood with the goal of helping fathers to understand how vitally important it is to create a wholesome home environment for their sons.
“Before I got into my teens I began to seriously rebel against all authority figures. Stealing and gambling became a regular habit of mine. So strong were my feelings of rejection that my school work was seriously and rather than coming first in class, I was trailing way behinds my peers. Smoking marijuana, a habit I developed from my father and some other close family members, brought me a measure of relief from my inner emotional pain. My life began to go downhill gradually and I started to ‘hang-out’ with the males on the ‘block’ where my search for companionship was strong. My quest for satisfaction caused me to medicate myself by becoming sexually promiscuous, using alcohol and frequently partying. Such activities only frustrated me because they never resulted in real happiness. I was eventually expelled from school, an action that threw me into a deeper identity crisis.”
Martin recounted an incident that infuriated him. It was when he learnt that his father had hit his mother. “I was mad and was going to kill him. I took up my ‘hardware’; put it in my waist and went looking for him to put him down. Luckily for me one of my relatives found me and averted what would have been headline news.”
Martin soon paused and with a radiant smile which sent a powerful signal to me that something miraculous had taken place in his life, he broke the news that he had made a decision to turn his life around by handing over his frustrated, confused, and miserable life to God. He said the peace of God saturated his entire being and God did an excellent job of cleaning him up from his messed-up past. With professional counselling he was able to work through a lot of his childhood issues including forgiving his father. Martin has now devoted his life to working with young people across the world in pointing them in a very positive direction.
Fathers, make sure you discipline yourselves hence making it highly probable to guide your children away from the dangerous reefs of life to a safe harbor of security. Embrace the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt who said “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future”. Profound.
Jane Clayson Johnson joined Franklyn Roosevelt in saying to fathers: “If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding...and snatch an opportunity to shape character.”
To you young men, never see abuse as a major-stop on your life’s journey. Your parents may not have contributed in many constructive ways to your early childhood development but you have within you the power to make a choice to either go in a positive or negative direction. Martin chose to pursue a productive path and continues to reap the precious benefits today. You can do the same, so always view the future with optimism.