Displaced Anger - Discard It
People seem to be so wound up today with feelings of anger that many of them are snapping at the slightest irritation. The protracted hatred and hostility, animosity and aggression, resentment and revenge which sometimes give rise to shootings, stabbings and innocent lives being lost, must be of great disquiet for every concerned citizen. The question may be asked, “From where is this anger generated?” I shall attempt to highlight a specific type of anger that may be contributing to such rage today. It is called displaced anger.
Displaced anger in its simplest form can be described as anger that does not target the real source that generated that anger in the first place, but targets a secondary and unrelated innocent object that may suffer the brunt of the individual’s emotional discomfort. Such misdirected anger has the potential to generate needless harm for others.
Here are three areas from where displaced anger may emerge and create some problems.
Displaced anger can be a one-time experience. For example, one day a young woman had a run-in with her prospective mother–in-law on a matter relating to the wedding day arrangements. She believed that on this occasion her fiancé’s mother was being too pushy. She became very upset and drove away angrily. Her fiancé was unaware of the impasse and both he and she met for their usual lunch date. She was unusually quiet, but said she was alright. When the boyfriend mentioned something about the wedding his fiancée exploded and began to speak in not so kind words about his mother’s intrusion in her business and how he needed to “fix” his mother or the wedding was not going to happen. After he calmed her down they discussed the issue. She apologized to him for her misdirected anger. She also later apologized to his mother for what was clearly a misunderstanding. Nothing of that nature took place again.
Displaced anger can occur after a built up of stressful events. A good friend of mine who was a supervisor at a large firm called me one day and told me that his staff members in recent times were telling him that he was not his usual self. They mentioned how he was shouting at them and had become unusually angry for no legitimate reason. After speaking with him I realized he had been working for long hours, not having much sleep, had not taken any proper vacation for a long time, plus some other emotional situations with which he was battling. He took my counsel, went on leave and came back refreshed and was his usual self to the pleasure of those whom he led.
This kind of anger can occur between husbands and wives, parents toward children, teachers toward students, church leaders toward congregations, employers toward employees, politicians toward populace, doctors towards patients, lawyers toward clients and the list can go on.
Displaced anger can be the result of deep-seated unresolved emotional issues. Deep-seated emotional challenges often have their origin in early childhood or the result of some crisis that may have occurred during adulthood. As it relates to childhood, displaced anger usually occurs when some children suffer various forms of abuse and other issues such as separation from parents, feeling of anger, depression, anxiety, rejection and low self-esteem. They may displace their anger by fighting, disrupting classes, getting involve in rough sports, destroying people’s property, disrespecting authority and gang involvement.
Trying to help individuals with such deep-seated hurts necessitates a level of anger management that must get to the root of the problem and not just seeking to treat the surface symptoms. Professional help is needed to unearth and treat the real causes of the displaced anger.
Garrison Keillor was right when he said: “A man can’t eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.”
I wonder what the crime rate would be if each citizen controls his/her anger?
Haynesley Griffith
Marriage and Family Life Consultant
[email protected]
Displaced anger in its simplest form can be described as anger that does not target the real source that generated that anger in the first place, but targets a secondary and unrelated innocent object that may suffer the brunt of the individual’s emotional discomfort. Such misdirected anger has the potential to generate needless harm for others.
Here are three areas from where displaced anger may emerge and create some problems.
Displaced anger can be a one-time experience. For example, one day a young woman had a run-in with her prospective mother–in-law on a matter relating to the wedding day arrangements. She believed that on this occasion her fiancé’s mother was being too pushy. She became very upset and drove away angrily. Her fiancé was unaware of the impasse and both he and she met for their usual lunch date. She was unusually quiet, but said she was alright. When the boyfriend mentioned something about the wedding his fiancée exploded and began to speak in not so kind words about his mother’s intrusion in her business and how he needed to “fix” his mother or the wedding was not going to happen. After he calmed her down they discussed the issue. She apologized to him for her misdirected anger. She also later apologized to his mother for what was clearly a misunderstanding. Nothing of that nature took place again.
Displaced anger can occur after a built up of stressful events. A good friend of mine who was a supervisor at a large firm called me one day and told me that his staff members in recent times were telling him that he was not his usual self. They mentioned how he was shouting at them and had become unusually angry for no legitimate reason. After speaking with him I realized he had been working for long hours, not having much sleep, had not taken any proper vacation for a long time, plus some other emotional situations with which he was battling. He took my counsel, went on leave and came back refreshed and was his usual self to the pleasure of those whom he led.
This kind of anger can occur between husbands and wives, parents toward children, teachers toward students, church leaders toward congregations, employers toward employees, politicians toward populace, doctors towards patients, lawyers toward clients and the list can go on.
Displaced anger can be the result of deep-seated unresolved emotional issues. Deep-seated emotional challenges often have their origin in early childhood or the result of some crisis that may have occurred during adulthood. As it relates to childhood, displaced anger usually occurs when some children suffer various forms of abuse and other issues such as separation from parents, feeling of anger, depression, anxiety, rejection and low self-esteem. They may displace their anger by fighting, disrupting classes, getting involve in rough sports, destroying people’s property, disrespecting authority and gang involvement.
Trying to help individuals with such deep-seated hurts necessitates a level of anger management that must get to the root of the problem and not just seeking to treat the surface symptoms. Professional help is needed to unearth and treat the real causes of the displaced anger.
Garrison Keillor was right when he said: “A man can’t eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.”
I wonder what the crime rate would be if each citizen controls his/her anger?
Haynesley Griffith
Marriage and Family Life Consultant
[email protected]