Dealing with Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people regularly can be a great challenge. Family members, work colleagues, church affiliates, neighbors, just to name a few, may fall into this category. The thought of writing off such people as irritants may have crossed your mind. But did the idea ever strike you that these individuals may be crying out for help? Look at two groups of people with me and judge for yourself.
The Critics
People who habitually criticize you or are constantly seeking to paint you with a negative brush by saying offensive things either to your face or behind your back can get under your skin. One reason individuals may display such distasteful behavior rest in the fact that they are often struggling with past disappointments or failures and your success may create painful flashbacks for them. The following and similar expressions are sometimes common with such persons. “Who do you think you are showing off that stupid engagement ring?” “You were so dumb in class - I don’t know how you got that degree.” “I hate the best bone in you.”
How should you treat these individuals? The greatest weapon you have to fight against any attack of this nature is knowing who you are. If you understand that you are not the problem, but the individual is reflecting some of his/her internal struggles, you may free your mind from that person’s attack. Those who may be more persistent, try looking them straight in the eyes and consider using responses such as “I am so sorry that you are seeing yourself in that light, it has to be very difficult for you to live with yourself.” or “O my goodness, I never thought of myself in that manner, how do you think you can help me?” or even “your analysis of me is way off the chart, have you ever thought you may have an issue with yourself?”
Never plan for a time when many people are present to tell off or embarrass the person. Try as much as it is possible to build a rapport with the individual by countering the negatives with positive and pleasant actions, which over time may produce amazing results. I have seen it work several times. Negative actions may not only offer fuel for the troubled person to continue on a negative track, but may also close the door for such an insecure individual to open up to you for help.
The Boastful
People who are constantly talking about themselves can sometimes be annoying. They boast habitually about their academic, sporting or artistic achievements. They may even highlight their looks, assets, social links, where they live, what they drive, where they have traveled, and a long list of crutches that prop up their fragile emotional security walls. When individuals frequently demand that you publicly and privately stroke their egos, especially if they have gained or given themselves certain titles, they often have deep-seated unresolved issues. Not meeting their demands for affirmation may cause you to be verbally or otherwise cut down to size. They display a superiority complex that is irksome and often causes people to avoid their presence. They often turn the very assets they claim to possess into liabilities because of their annoying attitudes. Again, don’t be too quick to attack them. Almost always, the emotional side of their lives did not grow parallel with their achievements, so it reflects itself in their sometimes-childish behavior. If allowed, try to build a relationship with them. It may allow you to understand why such behavior flows from the individual and also offer an opportunity to encourage them to promote less of themselves. It may surprise you at the result.
In life, it is difficult to escape difficult people, but wherever possible, try to motivate them to minimize, if not eliminate, anything that may not work in their best interest and that of others.
The Critics
People who habitually criticize you or are constantly seeking to paint you with a negative brush by saying offensive things either to your face or behind your back can get under your skin. One reason individuals may display such distasteful behavior rest in the fact that they are often struggling with past disappointments or failures and your success may create painful flashbacks for them. The following and similar expressions are sometimes common with such persons. “Who do you think you are showing off that stupid engagement ring?” “You were so dumb in class - I don’t know how you got that degree.” “I hate the best bone in you.”
How should you treat these individuals? The greatest weapon you have to fight against any attack of this nature is knowing who you are. If you understand that you are not the problem, but the individual is reflecting some of his/her internal struggles, you may free your mind from that person’s attack. Those who may be more persistent, try looking them straight in the eyes and consider using responses such as “I am so sorry that you are seeing yourself in that light, it has to be very difficult for you to live with yourself.” or “O my goodness, I never thought of myself in that manner, how do you think you can help me?” or even “your analysis of me is way off the chart, have you ever thought you may have an issue with yourself?”
Never plan for a time when many people are present to tell off or embarrass the person. Try as much as it is possible to build a rapport with the individual by countering the negatives with positive and pleasant actions, which over time may produce amazing results. I have seen it work several times. Negative actions may not only offer fuel for the troubled person to continue on a negative track, but may also close the door for such an insecure individual to open up to you for help.
The Boastful
People who are constantly talking about themselves can sometimes be annoying. They boast habitually about their academic, sporting or artistic achievements. They may even highlight their looks, assets, social links, where they live, what they drive, where they have traveled, and a long list of crutches that prop up their fragile emotional security walls. When individuals frequently demand that you publicly and privately stroke their egos, especially if they have gained or given themselves certain titles, they often have deep-seated unresolved issues. Not meeting their demands for affirmation may cause you to be verbally or otherwise cut down to size. They display a superiority complex that is irksome and often causes people to avoid their presence. They often turn the very assets they claim to possess into liabilities because of their annoying attitudes. Again, don’t be too quick to attack them. Almost always, the emotional side of their lives did not grow parallel with their achievements, so it reflects itself in their sometimes-childish behavior. If allowed, try to build a relationship with them. It may allow you to understand why such behavior flows from the individual and also offer an opportunity to encourage them to promote less of themselves. It may surprise you at the result.
In life, it is difficult to escape difficult people, but wherever possible, try to motivate them to minimize, if not eliminate, anything that may not work in their best interest and that of others.